RESPECT... YOUR MAN’S INTERPRETATION OF LOVE

Men get their confidence and self esteem from their career and achievements but the woman remains the sole amplifier of his self esteem. Every man desperately desire respect from their women which is their interpretation of love and are looking for a secure and confident lady who will respect them. Dr Mike Murdock said '' Men do not marry a woman because of her beauty; they marry a woman because of how they 'feel' in her presence. Men have ego and that ego needs to feel good by being massaged. A man's ego puts up a feeling of satisfaction in him as a man. Amazingly, most men will choose respect over love. ‘’Men would rather feel alone and unloved than inadequate and disrespectful’’ says Shaunti Feldhalm based on a research she carried out. It is a lot easier to respect a man you love and want. Respect him the way you want to be respected. 

Genuine respect shows in your expressions. When you don’t respect your man-your eyes show it, your body language and even the words. He feels it and it tells him that you do not value him. What you say about him in public matters especially when he is not there. Where women get together like the salon, restaurant, et al, women share their personal concerns and frustrations as well as individual view regarding their marriages. Criticizing your man in front of others doesn't just reveal his flaws alone but also reveals your rudeness to him and those listening will also disrespect your man. Would you feel good if your husband teases you among his friends that you are overweight or your make up was poorly done? If no, then he doesn't warrant same.

One of the fastest ways to chase your man away is by hurting his ego. You may wonder how you disrespect him. You disregard your man’s need for respect by being unappreciative, ignoring, ridiculing, demeaning, or corrective. Pushing or correcting your man to change by insult does not work instead it will deprive you of a place his heart and you will not see changes you yearn for in the relationship. Also know that when you undervalue your man at home, he either remains quiet at home or become run-away boyfriend or husband with the bar, office, mistresses as their escape route. Sometimes give him the chance to be a man for you, to make his own mistakes. He will want to do in desirable way for you when he sees that you will still accept him when he messes up things.

Thinking of ways to show him respect on a day-to-day basis, Shaunti Feldham has recommended the following:

1. Let him know that you appreciate the responsibility he bears for protecting and providing for your family.  Granted, lots of households are two-career families where wives also contribute, but husbands often feel more pressure to have all the answers for their families.  Let him know that you are grateful for his desire to care for you.

2. Encourage him in his chosen career, even when you feel like his work takes him away.  Men are hard-wired with a need to achieve and produce, and feel closer to you when you express an appreciation for that.  A husband who knows you understand his professional life will likely hear you out if and when you need to ask him to spend more time at home.

3. Be mindful of your tone of voice and expression when communicating with your husband, especially in moments of conflict. You might be surprised to know how easily your sarcasm or harshness is interpreted by him as contempt.  You should be able to discuss anything in a marriage—but it should always be done with mutual respect.

4. Honour your husband in front of others—when he’s there to see it, and even when he’s not. Don’t give in to the urge to dump your husband’s faults out on the table for your girlfriends to rummage through and ridicule.  If you really need to talk about your marriage, choose one wise friend or mentor in whom you can confide.

5. Acknowledge his value in all areas of family life. Talk to him about the children and ask his opinion about key areas of parenting, even if you will be the one to implement the strategy on a daily basis. Ask for his ear to analyse your situation at work. Even if his brand of problem-solving isn’t exactly like yours, you’ll likely learn something that will help, and affirm for him his importance in your life.

6. Respect his need for physical intimacy.  Denying your husband this primary need is just another way of saying that he doesn’t matter. Furthermore, it creates greater emotional distance in the marriage, choking off the very affection and consideration wives desire.

You get these benefits when respect your man:

• It is easier to appreciate, support, desire and admire you man when you respect him.
• Through respect, you create bonds with your man.
• Respect will make you know and understand him more.
• It lets your man be that strong and powerful man for you.

It may appear outdated to women who were raised with the me-first culture,” but respecting your husband is one of the most surest ways to bring peace and revive intimacy in your relationship. Your respect, inspiring words and affirmative actions will go a long way to boost your man's confidence and responsibilities.  Try it—you just might be surprised how swift it works.