MONSTER IN-LAW... CAN I HAVE MY PEACE?

It was an intense prayer session that evening in our room… my roommates and I back then in the school hostel. We organized a ‘thunder and fire’ prayer session against our future mother in-laws and any wicked treatments attack from them. Ngozi rounded off the prayers by inviting the Holy ghost to slay our future mother in-laws like in the days of Egypt when the angel of death visited. Yes! We wanted them dead before we got married. One will say we were been childish and stupid but we were guarding ourselves, in the way we knew best as at then, against any and every future attacks from our prospective mother in-law.

What led to this prayer session you may ask? We were grieved after watching a movie that starred Patience Ozokwor as a wicked mother in law that maltreated her son’s wife. You will agree with me that she is very good at playing such roles…she makes it so real. After the movie, we starting recounting all terrible experiences of women we knew that had gone through same in the hands of their husband’s mother. We put ourselves in their shoes and that was how the prayers began.

This has become one of the greatest issues for married women. Even the single ladies now wish they had no mother in-law. The interesting part of this is that this is supposed to be the most enjoyable and rewarding relationship…the joy of having another mother. Some women who enjoyed relationship with their husband’s mother have renamed them ‘mother in-love’ while others suffering in the hands of mother in-law have renamed them ‘monster in-law’.

Why do mother in-laws mistreat their daughter in-laws? One can’t help but ponder why they behave the way they do. This ill-treatment is disheartening. While we will say that there is no justifiable reason(s) for their actions, the truth is that most of these women find it hard to deal with fact that another woman has taken their place and is now their son’s supreme love and priority. Particularly when they know the bond that exists between mother and son. The fear of losing their sons to their wives drives them crazy especially when they look back at all the sacrifices they did as a mother. So they still want to be in control of their son’s affairs.  For those with monster in-law, these tips could help you out-

DISREGARD HER OUTRAGE: Try not to let the things she does get to you… though it’s difficult. Don’t talk or act back in exasperation. Always bear in mind that everything you say or do will be used against you in the court of family meetings. Be respectful in the midst of the indignation and ignore all confrontations from her.

BE KIND: No matter what she does be the sweetest thing to her. Shower her with kindness. Buy her gifts. Send nice text messages occasionally or call her. This will prick her conscience over time. Even if doesn’t her attitude towards you, at least nothing substantial will be held against you.

RESTRICT INFORMATION SHARED: There should be a limit to the information you divulge to your mother in-law. Avoid telling her about what your husband does for you. Like telling her how much your husband gives to you. This can stir up jealousy. Don’t discuss personal issues between you and your husband with her. Be discrete about what you tell her.

HAVE A CHAT WITH HUBBY:  Discussing with your husband is vital. Let him know the way his mother treats you. You are entitled to share these emotions with him but never condemn her before him. Speak well of her when talking with him. It shows you respect and regard him. Discuss kindly and calmly. Make him understand that he alone can take charge of the situation and always put him in the know before it’s too late so that he will time to resolve issues.

If after doing all you can to ensure there is harmony between you and your mother in-law, she still mistreat you then give her space. You deserve respect too. No need to be rude about it.