This new age thing is gradually throwing the lady in us to the wind. It’s easy to allow demands on our time and energy to rub us of the joy and pleasure of a beautiful relationship. If the man is the head then the woman is the neck to give him balance and control. There is absolutely nothing wrong in being there for your man. It does not make you less of a woman instead it shows how much you value him and this makes him feel loved and appreciated. Whether you are a stay at home or a working woman, you can take care of your man and this involves physically, sexually and emotionally. Nurture him…no one is saying you should take the place of his mother just act like her. Lol. The annoying part is that most men won’t tell you what they want. They assume the woman should know what they want and this makes it pretty difficult for women. Look for ways to make him happy.
A friend of mine said she checks her husband phone at the end of every day; search his pockets and his car (what a full time FBI work). Why give yourself stress? Save yourself the heart ache. No need to spy on him and monitor his every move. It is not the best way to care for him. Let me share a secret with you…the best way to be in control of your man is to serve him. They say leaders are great servants. Lol. Don’t make him feel like he is nothing even when you earn more money than him, else when the situation changes he will abandon you. Let’s discuss how you can show him care:
Give your man attention. Men are big babies. They feel insecure when you don’t pay attention to them especially when you give attention to other guys around. They like to be the only king over your life and feel jealous when anyone shares that place meant for them. It’s not enough to say ‘you care’ with your mouth…show it in your actions. Avoid situations where other guys call you especially at odd times or you keep hanging out with them when you have a boyfriend or are married. This can cause his love for you to wax cold. Please don’t get me wrong…there is nothing wrong in having male friends. Men worry about potential heart breaks (and they are chiefs in it) lol.
Be romantic: Men like special treatment especially when they least expect it. Call him all the endearing names you know. One woman said I kneel down to greet my husband…did someone just say NEVER? That’s for her though. Yours could be a kiss or a hug. Even on days you both are not good…still stick to it. If he is going to work, you could help him knot his tie, adjust his collar, fix his cufflinks, wear him his socks. Once in a while, take your man on a date. It must not be him doing the outing all the time. Buy him gifts…no matter how small. Come out from the kitchen, while cooking, with a piece of meat or fish and pass it unto him. Send him romantic notes and messages. Do some crazy stuff like shower together, wear something really hot and sexy like bum short, lingerie or a particular dress he likes on you…you could do some mild chores in the bedroom with G-string on. Play with your man. Flirt and have fun with him. Let him know how much you desire him.
Communication: I get disturbed when people still complain of lack of communication in their relationship. It shows that we are not using technology to our advantage. With watsapp and BBM, you could keep up with day to day events in your man’s life. Call him up and tell him how you feel about him or what you like about him etc. and be honest about it- whether you have kids or not. When you talk over the phone with him, be friendly. Apologize when you are wrong…sometimes even when you are right to avoid quarrels. When he apologizes, please forgive (this part is not easy I must say). Like I always tell people close to me…call a mad man uncle for peace to reign. Mind the way you talk…don’t always tell him as e dey do you. It could be disastrous.
Appreciation: Appreciate your man… it won’t take away the hair from your head. Thank him for the little things he does for you, the kids, the house, siblings or even his parents…do not take it for granted. Some women say ‘is it not his responsibility?’Yes it is but still appreciate him. Let him know how much you appreciate him. My bishop said ''appreciation is an application for more''. When you appreciate him, he will want to do more. Praise him. Compliment him…his outfit, his effort, his’ bed acts’. Go as far as buying him a gift after a wonderful bedroom session. Admire him. Men go green when you admire other men on screen more than them. Be affectionate.
Hygiene: Men like clean environment but also create the mess. Sisters, please be clean. Keep the house neat. You must not do it yourself but make sure it is done. Keep your body clean...mostly down there. Don't go about smelling like fish...smell good. Ensure his clothes are washed or sent to laundry. No harm in washing his undies yourself...even if you don't do it yourself, just ensure it is done.
Look good and at your best for him. Some married women dress shabbily and say ‘’no one is looking at me’’. You're saying your husband is nobody to you. Whether you notice it or not, your husband is always looking at you. Sisters, look great in his eyes. No one is saying you must be like Agbani Darego but make effort to look your best. Wear something he likes. Take time to apply some makeup and a nice hair-do. Smell good. If you have an idea of what the pictures of good looking girls does in a man’s head, maybe many sisters will buckle up. Just the way a child will see an appealing toy and go to get it even when he is holding one (some even dump it). That is exactly what men do most times.
Feed him: They say the way to man’s heart is through his stomach. You could cook that food he goes out to eat at home. If you do not know how to cook, please browse the net or buy a recipe book or ask someone. A friend said his wife noticed he likes nsala soup and she did not know how to cook it. She had to meet an Igbo woman in the market selling food stuffs and she was taught how to cook the soup. Go out of your way to learn new recipes and be creative about it. I visited five states in Nigeria and three different restaurants while gathering my facts for this write up. I noticed the increasing number of men trooping in (with their rings on showing they are married) and in the evening. They ordered and ate like vampires and I wondered if they will still eat at home. I asked two guys there and they said they won’t eat again when they get home. So why not just eat at home? One said ‘’this woman food dey sweet’’ and the other said ‘’Na this food dey hungry me’’. It is not easy but we must and should cook what they like. Some women even tell their husbands to stop by a restaurant and eat before coming home…babe nor be so oh. The way you serve him his food also tells a lot. Don’t serve him food like a dog, serve him like a king. If you don't do it well, his secretary will...and don't blame him afterwards.
Give him good sex: Men love sex…even the eunuchs. Dr. Schaefer says ‘Men see sex as a celebration’. Give it to him how and where he wants it. Learn new bedmatics. Give him oral sex…yes o! Except he is not clean down there. Sometimes take the lead (na your property). It does not make you a bad woman…you are just an initiator. Send him sexy photos of you. Never use sex as bait to get something from him or punish him. Mind you, there are more flexible babes out there who are ready to cling to your man and give it to him better…so improve your skills. Also, tell him how you want it…don’t assume he knows. Let him know how to satisfy you…how to touch your buttons.
Make your home a peaceful abode. These men face a lot out there…multiplying pressures and challenges. It will be rather unfair if he comes home to meet another pressure. When he is back from work, welcome him at the door with a warm embrace and kiss (please do not welcome him dressed shabbily and smelly). Help him take off his jacket, carry his suitcase or walk him to sit down. Take off his shoe and socks and offer him water. Serve him his meal. You can give him a bath…oh yes. For the women with kids…those who claim that they do not have time because of the kids. You know what time your man comes home…you can work around that time. Also, know when he wants to be left alone... he may have a lot in his mind and needs time alone to sort himself out.
Respect: Men like to be regarded as men not as a child. They are egoistic and the best way to pamper their ego is through respect. Don’t belittle him…you won’t debase someone who hold in high esteem.
Support and encourage him all the time and especially when he is going through a tough phase. Men like bottling up things. Still try and talk him through. They also like and need encouragement. Be his cheerleader. Let him know that you’re solidly behind him. My friend told me how his wife stood by him while he was going through a tough and rough phase. He made a striking comment…I would have gone mad if my wife had left me. When his condition changed, he bought her a brand new car. Men love good company…be a good companion to him.
Some men are already having a party over this piece but you (men) also have your part to play. Guys please reciprocate the love and care your women give to you. It is heart breaking when you show someone care and it’s not reciprocated. It is not easy taking care of a full grown adult. I am totally against one sided love. If it’s the case in your relationship or marriage…wahala dey o
Note: Before I get evicted from the church board… please I do not advise or encourage pre-marital sex and
co-habitation. Singles take note…
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