5 WAYS TO STOP NIT-PICKING

It is easy for couples to nit-pick when they live together. They find faults and irritants that push them to want to ‘correct’ each other and criticize each other for every little thing. This truth about this ‘You-are-at-fault’ syndrome is that it makes one forget their partner’s good qualities.

Most relationships fail because we spend too much time pointing out each other’s mistakes and thus, not creating enough time to enjoy each other’s company. Nobody is perfect. We all have our shortcomings. The better we know and understand our partner’s strengths and weaknesses, the better we see their faults and the longer we be or live with the person.

‘’When you keep picking at the habits of your spouse, you often cause them to resent ‘your help’ so much that they dig in all the deeper into the habit, and/or they mentally build up walls of contentions, distancing themselves from you emotionally’’ says Cindy and Steve Wright. The reality is that focusing on small issues makes us miss out the blessings of the union..

We will look at 5 Tips to help stop Nit-picking:

1.       Understand your partner: It is one thing to know your partner and another to understand. To know is to be provided with details about something while understanding is how we process what we know. Understanding strengthens your relationship. It makes us see each other’s unique differences and appreciate them. How well couples understand each other –their strengths and weaknesses helps them work around their faults. ‘’Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves’’ says Carl Jung.

2.       Start over-looking: We have heard a lot of couple say this ‘’don’t try to change me’’. Yes! Don’t try to. Accept and live with the things you cannot change especially the things you don’t like. Stop paying so much attention to your partners’ flaws because it magnifies when you do. Nagging has never helped instead it causes your partner to be bitter. Manage your anger and those little frustrations. Work around them while you work out ways to help your partner deal with their imperfections.

3.       Compliment your partner: Compliment rather than complain. Compliment your partner for how well they showed up in other areas. This will help cover up in areas where they fall short. It also helps to draw out their best qualities. Look out for the best in them and appreciate them for it. Compliment your partner in their presence and absence. Talking negatively about them does not tell well about you because your partner is a reflection of you.

4.       Be Respectful: Respect shows you recognize and value your partner’s worth. It also ignites passion and connects deep intimacy. It is very important to respect each other’s feelings and opinions. Respect each other while discussing your differences. Avoid personal insults. Hurtful words can break a person and can leave the other person with bitter memories. Always chew your words before ‘dishing’ it out to your partner. Stop making each other feel like crap by the way talk. Do not go about discussing your partner’s flaws to a third party or in public. Respect makes issues easier to handle.

5.       Communication: Good communication is the foundation of a strong relationship. It is the tool that knits the hearts and minds together.  Identify the issue and ‘fruitfully discuss’ about it with your partner. Avoid yelling as it breeds strong and negative emotions. Be careful not to vent or explode in an inexplicit or accusatory way.